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BennyV11
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Name: Benjamin
Birthday: 3/5/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: God, family, friendships, oreos, sports, girls, silence, fires, sunsets, food, chocolate milk, pistons, singing, mountains, water, peace, driving, love, ummmm... life
Expertise: more and more so I feel as though my only gift is availability...
Occupation: Teacher
Industry: Education
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  BennyV11
Member Since:
11/30/2005
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| I flew to St. George right after Saturday school this past weekend and have been with 9 middle schoolers non-stop since then. I've got a good bunch of kids with me here, but I haven't really had much of a break in like 11 days now and spending 24/7 with that many middle schoolers gets a bit tiring regardless of what you are doing. St. George has about 120 people total on the island and is a smaller and taller version of St. Paul. I've got more to say on the whole thing and on the experiences I have been having here...however, you'll have to wait a few more days because I'm exhausted right now and we haven't had a chance to leave yet because another blizzard blew in...maybe tomorrow I'll get to go home and at least sleep at my house in quiet:) This time a week from now, I will be preparing for the last day of my teaching on St. Paul Island...do I even have time to honestly take that in?
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| Here are a couple questions and answers about my Christian walk for Cedar Campus...I want to thank you friend for challenging me to assess which way I was facing. Also, I'm going to miss so many of the people up here on the island...sometimes I feel as though I've done some good, and other times I feel as though there is just so much more to do...only 16 more school days left which is crazy...excited for Schramm's visit in May...anyone else interested?? My pistons just lost the first game of the playoffs...I'm sad that this is the second year in a row I can't actually watch them play :( Wings won and moved on to the second round though so that's good. I feel more and more like it's inevitable that I will be on a World Race this upcoming January...I will keep you posted, but you can be seriously praying that I will have clear direction with that or with something else if it isn't to be that. As of right now, I don't know where I'd get the money to go, but there are parts to this trip that seem to be built for me and my heart yearns when I think about it...
16. What has God has been teaching you in the last month?
At the end of summer in ’03, I met with God out at gnomes rock and we had a pretty good discussion. Basically, He was telling me that I was about to go through a storm and that while I wouldn’t always feel or see Him, to have peace and know that He was with me and that He was in control. It wasn’t two weeks later that the storm hit and while it pales in comparison to what much of this world goes through, it was hard for me. The next years of my life were stretching in so many ways for me…let me explain it this way:
I live in a place right now where it is not uncommon to see hurricane winds and it be a normal day…maybe a bit windy. From December through March was one big storm. For weeks straight I would walk everywhere in the weather. I think you have both felt what it is like to walk in bitter cold with the wind whipping across your face. Every step is a trudge and and you just put your head down and keep going. However, even then it feels like your face will get frostbite so you take a look up and briefly see the path right in front of you and then you turn your back to the wind and start walking backwards.
You continue to make progress all the while looking back and seeing where you came from. You realize the path you are taking is cold, long and winding but you also remember the warmth of your bed and the shelter of your home.
I’m at a place in my life where I have been walking backwards for awhile now, but still making progress in my life. There are many areas of my life that I want back…I haven’t had the joy and lightheartedness that makes me, well me…However, I have no desire to go back to who I was or where I was. Every time I have tried to turn around and look a bit into the future, it has seemed drearily long and cold. It has been easier for me to find hope from the faithfulness and warmth I have had in the past then to turn and look to the greater strength, warmth and joy that lays ahead of me…
Anyway, all of that being said, this last couple weeks God has been challenging and encouraging me to turn around and start hoping in His faithfulness in the future. He’s leading me to dream again. So much of my last few years has been doing what needs to be done with little I have honestly looked forward to. It’s time that changes because I’m at the end of a chapter, towards the end of a season in my life…I can feel it like a fever that grows and grows and then finally breaks and brings relief. I believe that relief is starting now…it just might take me a little time to get back to my feet. Hopefully that gives you a fairly accurate picture.
17.What is your spiritual journey (how did you become a Christian)?
My spiritual journey started long before I was born. He dreamt of me, formed and fashioned me with a heart after His. He longed for the day that I would know Him fully even as I am fully known. Then He breathed life into me and let me stumble into a family that desired a depth with Him. He blessed me with skills and abilities, passions and desires because of His faithfulness to my forefathers and because delighted in being good to me.
I feel a bit like Samuel in the fact that I kind of always had been in His presence but didn’t know it at first. The day before I went to my first day of school, I found myself afraid for probably the first time in my life. I didn’t quite comprehend that when I went to school, I would be back at the end of the day. I was at the point where I felt as though it was time to say good bye to my family and that I wouldn’t see them again. My ma came in and soothed me words of truth and told me once again about Jesus and how He would always be my friend…that He would never leave me nor forsake me…and that was when I chose to be friends for eternity.
I was a child both physically and spiritually, but I do not by any means feel as though that was a weakness. God had endowed me with a childlike faith that has led much of my life thus far. In fact, I feel as though I have been reaping fruit more from my faithfulness as a child than my “faithfulness” as a young adult.
As I grew, God continually blessed everything I touched and I grew in popularity and kindness. I had favor in my life and I firmly believe that He blessed many though my life growing up. However, as I grew, I also started to both lose my innocence and gain pride in my standing. I thought that His favor in my life was primarily due to my faithfulness…not wholly His!!! Regardless, He remained faithful and continued to bless me.
I entered college having a genuine heart to serve God and change not only NMU, but the world. It wasn’t long before I realized how much pride, lust and judging had taken root within my heart and I was appalled by it. I earnestly desired that He remove them and I understood the consequences of those prayers. That is when things started to not always go my way…
After a frustrating summer (or start of one,) I finally was able to make it out to Cedar Campus which was a breath of fresh air and a time of calm before my storm. At that end I found myself having a chat with him out at gnomes rock…(from above)
The next years were my storm and I have done my best to persevere. I have learned how to fall, and how to get up when I do. I have traded much of my false humility for a piece of some true humility (still got some to go on that one☺.) He has given me a heart of a servant and a desire to worship. Lately, I feel as though I have gotten to a point where I have turned a corner and He is now starting to build me back up again. It’s about time for me to start dreaming and hoping and loving and living…He came that I may live life and that to the fullest…I’ve been walking in mud for awhile now which hasn’t always been the most enjoyable thing, but it has definitely built up plenty of strength in my legs, I look forward to running in some sunshine!!
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| Disappointment...such a strong word for so many reasons...I know I have a lot of instantaneous reactions to that word. I wonder, when you read that word, what do you feel? think? When things settle out sometimes, I feel as though I am a disappointment to others...myself.
Anyway, I feel as though I have found yet another way to disappoint people. Ever since I was a very young child, one of the hardest things I have had to learn to deal with is disappointing others. I really just have a hard time letting people down. Realistically it has been one of the great motivators in my life. This paired with my desire to be committed entirely to everything I do beyond 100% has led me down some interesting paths. I'm very much a people person, and yet I feel as though I have made some choices in my life that weren't exactly what everyone around me wanted to make at the time.
Around this time last year, I was busy finishing up my student teaching experience in Africa and finding a way to express that I felt God had something different for me the upcoming year. Ann was amazing and offered me a number of positions which I very humbly had to turn down. In doing so, I also felt the weight of letting down a number students and teachers who had hoped for my return.
Skip forward a year and I feel as though I am in a similar position. I am living halfway around the world and much of my experience here has been the exact opposite of Africa, and still I am busy trying to finish the grind here while humbly turning down an opportunity to work here in a number of different situations. I know there are kids here who have been really hoping that I'd be back next year. Instead, it is time to move on once again and I feel as though some people in my life just assume that is the way I am-here today and gone tomorrow... Is it? Is it bad if it is? Is it just a stage in my life before it's time to settle down-I hope so.
Life here has been as hectic as usual and it looks as though the rest of the school year will fly by. I am going to be really busy the rest of the time that I am here except for next week. I should have some time to catch my breath before the last mad dash. I need that rest! After that, I hope some of my friends will be able to visit before summer really gets under way. I feel as though I have so much to do before then though...I guess keep the head down and keep pluggin' away eh?
Laura Fitcher- For the record, I am hoping to be able to get on facebook soon, but haven't really been able to in about 2 and a half weeks. In that time, knowing that I couldn't get on, my bro Deal and a friend of ours created an account for Laura Fitcher and added her as my girlfriend. I didn't have anything to do with it all so please take that into consideration if you saw that and had any kind of reaction. While I have no idea what it will be like when I actually do start dating someone, but I'd hope that you don't hear about through facebook...but even saying that, I know that it's possible that some will hear it that way first even if it isn't exactly ideal. Whatever...that's done and you can chat at Deal if you have further thoughts about it all.
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| Today I just find myself to be tired...the last few days have taken a toll on me already which seems pathetic after just getting off of a spring break. However, the kids have come back antsy and just ready to be done with school altogether.
My future is starting to shape up a little bit but it is still one step at a time and we'll see where that takes me. We finally can see the sun again, but it is no joke cold out there and walking each morning wakes me up but keeps me cold for much of the day.
Some days I just feel as though I am just running in place...
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| I can't believe I forgot to even mention this in the last note...
So, there are like 100 people who live on St. George ( a somewhat near island) and they have 4 teachers with like 25 students. However, we have equipment on both islands to teach them remotely. This makes teaching a bit difficult but it's good experience to teach someone through a video conferencing unit. Anyway, we haven't had those kids in our classes lately because well...they shut down the school over there....
Two days ago they shut down the school because of fuel issues. The island hasn't had a plane that has been able to land in like 2 and a half weeks. They haven't had a barge with fuel in there for I don't know how long. Everyone went home to stay warm because of the fuel crisis. Their plan was to shut down all electricity as of today because they were going to run completely out of fuel for the whole community. As it is, there are some houses without heat, running water and electricity because they've run out of energy. The rest of the community is about a day behind them.
As of two days ago, not one of the people on St. George had even called anyone from the mainland to tell them about the emergency...what they were thinking??? I have no idea. All I know is that things aren't exactly looking up for them and our superintendent had to spend a half of a day convincing legislators and others that this is a "dramastic" (as one of my colleagues would say) situation.
Anyway, you can be praying for the people on St. George because ummm if they don't get fuel soon they could just freeze or get real sick...it cant be safe as it is for the kids and elders and whoever is already sick...
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